Gordon Haber

Dr. Humongous, apocalyptic provost.

[N.B.: You are welcome to submit your own ideas. And to email me for advice.]

Health

1. Emotional Health. Don’t make yourself feel bad for feeling bad. If you’re grumpy or depressed or feeling horrendously inadequate, just accept it. I’m not saying embrace it. I’m saying that when you’re in a shitty situation  it’s normal to feel bad. So don’t be all like, “I will send positivity into the universe and the universe will reward me!” Because that’s bullshit. Instead be all like, “I’m really scared and I’m going to acknowledge that and try not to take it out on my family/friends/students/myself.”
2. Physical Health. Take care of yourself. Try to eat right, don’t smoke too much, don’t drink too much. Walk a few minutes a day and/or do 10 pushups every morning and/or find an easy workout video from the library or on Youtube. Don’t make unrealistic fitness or diet goals and give yourself something else to feel miserable about. Just be nice to yourself. It that means having a cupcake, by all means have a cupcake. You’re an adjunct! You deserve a fucking cupcake! Just don’t have 12.

Time Management

1. Class planning. Think of ways to create exercises and stimulate discussion that don’t necessarily involve you guiding them every little step of the way. I used to give a lot of in-class assignments and have them switch papers for peer review. I also liked to have my students come up with research paper topics and then we’d vote for the best assignments. In other words, it’s not OK to be a shitty teacher, but it is OK to take some of the burden off of yourself.
2. Grading. Fuck it. Let it slip a little. Do it and give your students conscientious feedback. Just don’t kill yourself turning everything around the same week.
3. Ask for help. Don’t be proud! There’s always a few ways you can ask for help without being a pain in the ass. Ask a  neighbor to carpool with you to the grocery store to save on gas. If you’re teaching at six campuses and cooking for your family every night, stop it — a ten-year-old can learn how to make a pot of spaghetti and open a jar of sauce. And don’t be afraid of asking for good teaching times. If you’re polite about it, your boss(es) won’t care. You may not get the schedule you want, but you’re definitely not getting it if you don’t ask.
4. Act like a freelancer. Because you are. And the more successful freelancers understand that a certain amount of time has to be spent looking for new business (or in your cases next term’s sections) and keeping an eye out for potential full-time jobs. Make sure you schedule one or two hours a week to check the job boards, email department heads, etc. That way you’ll always be working towards your own future, and you’ll avoid that horrible end-of-term-panic.
5. Schedule time for yourself. This could be ten minutes a day for exercise (see above) or fifteen minutes of guitar (which kept me sane) or a few hours a week for your own writing (which also kept me sane and from starving). But here’s the trick: DO YOUR OWN STUFF FIRST. Don’t save your “moi time” (as the French say) for when all your grading/planning/seething is done. For God’s sake, put yourself first! Even if it’s only for a few minutes in the morning!

Money

1. Budget. Don’t go crazy! Don’t obsess! Simply make sure that you understand your expenses and you know how much (or little) is in your checking account. For example, most people will budget for gas and tolls but not for  upkeep of the car itself. So try tracking your expenses for two weeks — write down everything you spend money on, even gum — and then work up a reasonable monthly budget. (Email me if you need advice.)
2. Bargain. This one takes practice but it’s fun. If you have credit card debt, see if they’ll lower your interest rate. Or maybe your Internet provider can give you a better deal. Find a doctor/dentist/shrink who takes payments on a sliding scale. Again, you have absolutely nothing to lose by asking.
3. Scrape together $2.99 for Adjunctivitis, my funny/touching/hugely entertaining novella about an adjunct in LA on a desperate quest for health insurance. (It’s available as a Kindle Single, but if you don’t own a Kindle you can get free reading apps here.) Better yet, save your money, because I’m giving it away for free to adjuncts. Just email me at gordonhaber at gmail and I’ll send you a PDF.