Gordon Haber

Writer, editor, mediocre guitarist

Category: Writing Tips

Literary Selfie: Spring 2017 (aka Even a Time of National Crisis Can’t Distract Me from My Careerist Self-Absorption)

  ___ As usual, I am aware that in these difficult times, so many of you lie awake, staring at the ceiling and asking yourself, “What is Gordon Haber up to?” Rest easy, because here’s your answer: Writing! I wrote about The Handmaid’s Tale for Religion & Politics. I wrote about My Scientology Movie for Religion […]

The 12 Reasons My Book Deal Collapsed

  Because they were trying to anticipate what the reviewers would say and have me rewrite the book accordingly, which, I can tell you as a fiction writer and a book reviewer, is a waste of time. Because they wanted me to make changes to satisfy the marketing people. Because I was repeatedly asked, “Why […]

Book Deal, Shmook Deal

I will not be publishing my novel. At least not with that company. We agreed on some changes. I did them. Then they said, “Make these other changes or we won’t publish the book.” I offered a few concessions. But if I followed the bigger changes it would have ruined the book. So that’s that. […]

A Brief Guide to Appropriate vs. Inappropriate Reactions to the Massacres in Paris

Appropriate Shock Sadness Anger Confusion Inappropriate 1000-word article on how the massacre precisely confirms your already existing world-view

Writers: Buy This. It Can Help.

  Friends: my delightful wife, in whom I delight, has published a fantastic writing guide, 9 Juicy Weeks to a Wonderfully Imperfect First Draft. It will help you get through your first draft (duh) and help you develop a little discipline and a relatively pain-free writing process. It’s great for fiction writers, playwrights, screenwriters and […]


Fortune 500 co. seeks blogger with in-depth knowledge of health care industry. 50¢ a post! Great exposure! Hot new online mag seeks celebrity news writer for 700 years of experience. Please send 3 clips & 1 kidney (someone else’s OK) to Staceeee1@celebnow.com. Alaskan Tundra Magazine, Alaska’s premier magazine on the all things tundra, seeks features […]

7 Blog Post Ideas That Will Make Your Blog “HOT HOT HOT”!!!

1. Run a contest. Offer entrants a $1000 prize for an essay on a topic of your choice. Charge $10 per entry. Instead of paying the winner, use the money to invest in a redesign of your blog. 2. Review stuff. Everybody loves opinions! Post reviews of stuff you use every day, like your vibrator. […]

More on Writing and Money

  Here’s Alison Lurie writing on Fay Weldon for the NYRB: “There are now over three hundred college writing programs in the United States. But no matter how much the population increases, people will not need more writers: they can all read multiple copies of the same books. As a result of this imbalance, only […]

5 Guilt Free Writing Tips

  (More fun with the traffic-glomming Tweak Your Biz Title Generator) Use only gluten-free notebooks. Walking on a desk treadmill while you write will help you stay fit and also make you look like a complete tool. For arm strength, type with 5-lb free weights duct-taped to your wrists. Do 10 burpees after every sentence. […]

Joseph’s Stalin’s Secret Guide To Writing

  [NB: I was hunting around for blog topics when I came across the Tweak Your Biz Title Generator. I entered “writing” and “Joseph’s Stalin’s Secret Guide To Writing” came up.] The Soviet Union needs a Great Purge — of adverbs! Eliminate the passive voice as if it were the kulaks. If you want to […]


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