Gordon Haber

1. Run a contest. Offer entrants a $1000 prize for an essay on a topic of your choice. Charge $10 per entry. Instead of paying the winner, use the money to invest in a redesign of your blog.

2. Review stuff. Everybody loves opinions! Post reviews of stuff you use every day, like your vibrator.

3. Start a conspiracy theory. Here’s a few ideas:

• The Jews control Dollywood
• Viral posts give you actual viruses
• Vaccinations make kids artistic
• Crap circles
• Flouride in the water system is secretly improving your dental health

4. Stream of Consciousness. James Joyce was one of the greatest writers of the 20th century. So why take a page from his blog? For instance: “Sometimes I wish I could jump with the wolverines yes I said yes I left your car keys in the egg salad yes.”

5. Personally respond to every single comment, including spam.

6. How-tos. People love to learn how to do stuff! For example, tell your readers how to save money by spaying their cats themselves.

7. Lists! Here’s a few ideas if you’re stuck:

• Everything I Ate in the Last Six Weeks (with photographs)
• 12 People Who Will Pay for Their Insolence
• 7 Things I Found in the Dumpster

EXTRA BONUS TIPS!

• All the cool people are reading Adjunctivitis, a novella about academia in L.A., only $2.99 from Amazon (£1.99 UK).
• The even cooler people are reading False Economies, about London in the 90s, only $2.99 from Amazon. (£1.99 UK).
• Both stories were published for the Kindle Single. If you or your friend(s) don’t have a Kindle, you can get FREE apps to read Kindle e-books on your device here.