The Honest Resume
by Gordon Haber
Education
1990: BA in English and Fine Arts (double major!) from a state school whose English and Fine Arts departments were the opposite of rigorous and mostly staffed by bored, detached tenured faculty.
2002: MFA in Creative Writing, Fiction Concentration, from an Ivy League institution (Columbia if you must know), which I am still paying off.
Work Experience
1992-2000: Spent most of the decade working towards an interesting and reasonably remunerative career in graphic design, and as soon as I achieved that goal, chucked it to be a writer
2000-2014: Adjuncted at various institutions of higher education in New York City and Los Angeles, which paid starvation wages but were often quite rewarding due to the students, which is a cliché but true, and which resulted in a novella, Adjunctivitis. Also freelance criticism and journalism, often on religious topics, for a variety of newspapers and magazines, which I’m still doing, remarkably, despite my “no reporting for free” rule.
Skills
- E-Books. Been learning lots of stuff about e-books, how to put them together, how to sell them, how not to sell them, thinking that it might lead to a nice day job, but so far it’s only led to some extra income, not that I’m complaining.
- Writing and editing. Like every other schmuck in New York.
- Languages: Bad French, execrable Polish.
Current Medication
- One aspirin per day to prevent heart disease
- Red wine
- Xanax (when flying)
Awards
- Fulbright Fellowship to Poland, 2002. One glorious year of traveling, note-taking and writing, which resulted in a travelogue that was rejected by 30 publishers, which sent me into a 10-year professional tailspin that I am just now working myself out of.
- MacDowell Colony Residency, 2007. Two glorious months in New Hampshire that I hoped would herald a new phase of my career, which it did not, although I did meet my wife and now we have a son, so it wasn’t like great things didn’t come out of it, plus I totally hung out with Michael Chabon.
Fears
- Global warming.
- Irrelevance.
[…] big hat-tip to Gordon Haber for inspiring me to do this. His “Honest Resume” (see here) was hilarious, so I’m adding my own to the fold. There are those marketable skills for the […]
File it under non-fiction too…unlike so many resumés. What about a LinkedIn profile in a similar vein?